What’s worse than knowing someone
還有什麼是比知道某人
no longer loves you?
不再愛你更糟糕的呢？
It’s realizing that they never loved you.
那就是意識到他們從未愛過你
All the games, the broken promises
他們讓你相信的所有的遊戲
and lies they led you to believe.
破裂的誓言和謊言
As time goes on,
隨著時間的推移
you』re not even mad at them anymore,
你甚至不再生他們的氣了
not when you』re disappointed with yourself
而不是當你對自己太天真
for being naive enough to fall for all their tricks.
而落入他們的圈套感到失望
It may be shocking news to you,
這對你來說可能是個震驚的消息
but to them, it’s nothing new,
但對他們來說 這並不是什麼新鮮事
not when they knew what they were doing all along.
尤其是當他們知道自己一直在做什麼的時候
Are you tired of being let down?
你是否厭倦了失望的感受？
Here are 6 signs your partner is using you.
下面是你的對象在利用你的6個跡象
1. You』re reluctant to say no to them.
1 你不願意拒絕他們
This is called manipulation
這被稱為操縱
which is also known as emotional blackmailing.
也被稱為感情勒索
Were you always afraid to turn down their requests?
你總是害怕拒絕他們的要求嗎？
Maybe it’s because you don』t want to let them down,
也許是因為你不想讓他們失望
or they guilt trip you into doing favors for them.
或是對他們的內疚讓你幫他們的忙
Healthy relationships require both partners to
健康的關係需要雙方互相尊重
respect one another including their boundaries.
包括彼此的界限
But when your partner is
但當你的對象
constantly overstepping them,
不斷地越過界限
it can make you feel
這會讓你感到
uncomfortable and disrespected.
不舒服和不受尊重
As they tug on your heartstrings and
當他們牽動你的心弦
pressure you to make decision quickly
迫使你按照他們的意願
according to their wishes,
迅速做出決定時
it put you in a place where it’s hard to say no.
你會感覺很難說不
2. You』re not sure what the relationship is.
2 你不確定你們是什麼關係
Maybe the both of you
也許你們倆
are exclusively seeing each other,
只是單獨見面
but does your partner see you guys in a relationship?
但你的對象會覺得你們在戀愛了嗎？
If they』re running away from commitment
如果他們逃避承諾
and give excuses like,
找藉口 比如
let’s just see where this goes,
讓我們看看會發生什麼
or titles complicate things anyway.
或者名分會讓事情變得複雜
They aren』t likely to treat you like you are
他們不太可能把你當做
worth being loved, cared and supported.
值得被愛 關心和支持的人來對待
Do you really want to be with
你真的想和
someone like that anyway?
那樣的人在一起嗎？
You deserve to be someone’s first choice,
你值得成為別人的第一選擇
not just a temporary convenience.
而不只是一時的方便
3. Their inconsistencies throw you off repeatedly.
3 他們的前後矛盾反覆使你感到厭煩
Users rarely ever stick to their word
利用者很少遵守他們的諾言
because they know you』ll keep coming back to them.
因為他們知道你會不斷回到他們身邊
It’s a classic trick up their sleeve.
這是他們的經典伎倆
They see how much you』re willing to
他們看到你有多願意
tolerate their selfish behavior,
容忍他們的自私行為
and when you finally break
當你終於崩潰
and say you』ve had enough,
並說你已經受夠了時
they apologize, tell you they』ll change and you,
他們會道歉 告訴你他們會改變 而你
like the good-hearted person you are,
就像個好心人一樣
you believe them.
你相信他們
4. They are different behind the scenes.
4 他們在人前人後不一樣
Dr. Susan Whitburn states
蘇珊·惠特伯恩博士說
that when someone loves you
當有人愛你時
they boost your self-esteem and sense of identity.
他們會增強你的自尊和認同感
But when your partner is just using you,
但當你的對象只是在利用你時
they care more about their own needs being met.
他們會更關心自己的需求得到滿足
When you go out in public,
當你在公共場合時
they might act affectionate
他們可能會表現的很深情
because you』re more of a trophy to them than a lover.
因為你對他們來說更像是一個戰利品 而不是愛人
Without an audience though, behind the scenes,
如果沒有觀眾 在人後
you』ll start to get the impression
你會開始覺得
that they never cared about you
他們從來沒有關心過你
or perhaps it’s the exact opposite.
或者可能恰恰相反
They』re only affectionate with you in private
他們只是在私下喜歡你
because they don』t want others to think
因為他們不想讓別人認為
there’s anything serious between you two.
你們之間有什麼嚴肅的關係
5. They avoid the heavy conversations.
5 他們避免沉重的談話
You can』t have love without letting your guard down.
你不能不放鬆警惕就擁有愛
If your partner refuses to be vulnerable with you,
如果你的伴侶拒絕和你共患難
it indicates that they』re keeping you at arm’s length.
這表明他們和你保持一定的距離
Although this isn』t always the case
儘管這並不總是像創傷
like trauma being one factor.
一樣成為一個因素
If you find your partner has no problem being
如果你發現你的對象對別人
open with others
敞開心扉沒有問題
but doesn』t do the same with you,
但對你卻沒有
it doesn』t give you the full opportunity
那麼你就沒有充分的機會
to get close to them.
去接近他們
It’s not necessarily about what you』re doing wrong
這並不一定是因為你做錯了什麼
or whether you』re good enough.
或者你是否足夠好
If you』re putting your heart out,
如果你很用心
but they shrug off the intimate conversations,
但他們對親密的談話不屑一顧
then are they really even there?
那麼他們真的是你的對象嗎？
6. You』re doing the majority of the work.
6 大部分工作都是你做的
Balance is important for relationship to sustain,
平衡對維持關係很重要
but go from one extreme to the other
但從一個極端到另一個極端
and you』ll find yourself in a ship in sink.
你會發現你自己在沉船里
There’s only so much you can do
你能做的只有這麼多
until you run empty-handed.
直到你空手而歸
Psychologist Patricia Pape states
心理學家帕特麗夏·佩普說
some guys are very slick,
有些男人很圓滑
they know how to groom women
他們知道如何訓練女人
know how to manipulate them,
也知道如何操縱她們
and no matter how bright she is,
不管她有多聰明
she freezes and takes on all the shame,
她都會冷靜下來 承擔起所有的羞恥
the responsibility for what’s happening.
對發生的一切負責
If your partner is all play and no compromise,
如果你的對象只是玩玩 沒有承諾
it』ll only break your heart more
當你堅持足夠長的時間
when you stick around long enough
來容忍他們的藉口時
to tolerate their excuses.
你的心會更痛
What’s stopping you from finding a healthy partner?
是什麼阻止你找到一個健康關係的對象？
Think you might be in a toxic relationship?
你認為你可能在一段有毒的關係中？
Check out our video here for the signs.
查看我們的視頻來尋找這些跡象
Remember it doesn』t only
記住 這不僅僅
have to be a romantic relationship,
只發生在一段浪漫關係中
perhaps it’s your employer
也許你的僱主
or your friends that are using you too.
或你的朋友也在利用你
Just watch out and be careful.
小心再小心
Thanks so much for watching!